Riding Shotgun With Speachwriters LLC
Speechwriters LLC sound like a California band. Or more specifically, they sound like "California's Original Folk-Pop Heroes," which is their rather apt description. Sweet and sunny, while at the same time shy and a little heartbroken. Read on and discover their love of Jammin' Java, shopping, and setting vans on fire, as well as a curious love-hate relationship with B-12 injections. And then go check them out Thursday, March 30, at Jammin' Java ($12).
Touring is: Our way of loving and serving these United States.
Our first gig was: An unqualified disaster.
Our favorite venue to play is:
Arguably Jammin' Java. And we're not just saying that; it's really one of our favorite venues on the planet. And we've been to, like, several.
Hygiene on a tour is: Not an option.
Our favorite thing about touring is: The sound of the open road.
And the least favorite: Having our van broken into by crackheads.
City with the best audiences: Tahlequah, OK.
The band member most likely to disappear after a show is:
Lionel. He literally disappeared after our first show (see above) and has never been seen or heard from since.
The tour bus/van smells like: Orbitz Gum and stale adrenaline.
Laundry is: a) washed regularly, b) washed irregularly, c) we go shopping a lot:
d) washed irregularly, but at regular intervals, and in a way that doesn't affect our shopping.
What's the most unusual item on your rider?
Two surgeons backstage to administer simultaneous B-12 injections. We usually forget it's on there, until we roll up to that one venue in a hundred where they actually respect their fucking artists, and then there they are, all be-labcoated, needles glistening in the wind. And we suddenly remember how much we hate getting B-12 injections.
Who controls the music in the touring vehicle? And what are you listening to at the moment? Our manager, remotely, and at the moment it's some godawful binaural entrainment sequence that's supposedly going to make us appear taller and more confident onstage.
Your favorite on-the-road watering hole? And/or the best place to get greasy, hangover-curing food?
There's a restaurant somewhere in western Pennsylvania where we
almost lost half of the band to Team Jesus after an all-night drive, but for sheer findability, we would have to pick Crif Dogs at 113 St. Marks Place, in the East Village between 1st Ave and Avenue A. Get the Chihuahua with a large RC Cola and then try to have a bad day. Go ahead! You can't. We do this every time we go to New York.
Most amusing memory from your current or most recent tour?
The time Dave got pulled over and breathalyzed by the Vermont Highway Patrol and almost forgot to take off his moustache.
Please name the city you wouldn't ever play in again. Or, if not a particular city, which
venue makes your skin crawl?
We won't name names, but we will say that we once spent the night in a certain Philadelphia music hall against our will, and that it was uniformly awful.
Apart from the obvious cd, what's the merch item of yours you think people should shell
out for?
That's an easy one: slap bracelets. Why? (1) They're dangerous. (2) They're squishy. (3) The margins on them are so thin, we actually lose money with every sale.
Have you been to the top of the Washington Monument? HELL NO!!! There is a ghost.
Are there any bands out there that you'd love to tour with? And bands you've enjoyed touring with? Witch Taint and Dokken, respectively.
You've recently celebrated your 5 year anniversary (Happy belated anniversary, by the
way) as a band. How did you celebrate this monumental occasion?
We set the van on fire and drove it into a wall.
What's the best thing about being a Speechwriter? Never having to say you're sorry.
If you weren't a Speechwriter, would you be a speechwriter? Or, what would you be if you weren't Speechwriters?
We would be moisture farmers and/or real estate flippers.
What would you like people to be saying about Speechwriters LLC in 50 years? We should have stopped them when we had the chance.
Please recite a line of poetry: Hickory, dickory, dock. George Bush is an international war criminal.
And finally, it's BigYawn's round. What's your poison?
The cheapest whiskey you've got, poured into a bag and stirred with a nail. Because we're that fucking hard.
For even more Speechwriting goodness, head over to www.speechwritersllc.com, or www.myspace.com/speechwritersllc.